Tug-of-war

There are times in ones life where one is at the receiving end of hostility from another person whom he is a friend to and turns for support, even i have intentionally put people at that end for heir own good, but rarely it is when you come to know the reason of this behaiviour towards you which seems to be that it is deemed as either not to trouble you with things or emotionally detaching u frm them for it would only invite trouble. And it does hurt, like a thousand pincers that you can do nothing absolutely nothing about the situation except to hang on to probably a false hope as to that person would reconcile. As a person who has put many people through the acid test it does seem many dont even survive barring a few who do. But even in those times i have tend to put the intentions behind the facade of being the hostile person to detach people from myself so that they have one less person to care about…but when the person at the receiving end comes to know of the more of the onli half that he is shown, all hell breaks lose for the person who is at the other end. Its like if there are two friends and one is about to die he will make sure that his friend wouldnt remember him after his death but hell breaks lose when that person’s friend comes to know the reason of the strange behaiviour of his friend. The person who has put the other one at the hostile receiving end just because his own life is a mess, as a person who has gone through all this, i can say we are probably no matter how strong we are or pretend to be that we are, we are sort of a bit afraid that someone can stand beside us caring for our troubles as his own for no rhyme or reason. The fear isnt baseless since one does feel what would happened if that person is gone after knowing the reason behind that hostility, or one questions why is this person so kind towards me, though as much as we need that person as a support we tend to be overcomed by our fear which leads to complex situations of other person feeling that you think that this relationship has turned into a burden rather than support which that person is ready to provide at any time. However as i said in my previous post of Need that we all need someone  in our rough patches of life to put our head on and cry our heart out coz we are designed for anything but loneliness…but in those times to people putting others at the hostile end it does become their responsibity as to realize that there are people who can care solely about you at whatever time you need them without any rhyme or reason just because they earned a friend in you and believe in u. One should rather not be dellusioned by the troubles and learn to trust the person at the other end who’s ever extended hand you refuse to take just because of the reason that you believe that you do not want to bother them with your troubles of a messy life…being the person at the receiving end i do know that it is an acid test but as i learned from someone who had his hand extended all the time for me that all you have to do is cling on and have the hope that the person will come around looking for your exteneded hand to just squeeze and cry out all his troubles with that all u have to do is keep it extended with or without any hope just because of a simple reason that you consider that person your friend.

But…

but then again the person who has his hand extended shouldn’t be disappointed at any time of his life that, that person didnt come around for this wasnt a prerequisite you kept for that person before considering him a friend. You should do things without expecting anything in return, be it the return of that person, in this world you won’t find many takers now for such thoughts and you would end up being scarred for the rest of your life thats why do have your hopes, but not great expectations. For if you do end up getting scarred, there is no way, no matter how much you want, you have to move on…

Just that then you’ll stop learning to trust someone just because of one or few people just like the person putting you at the receiving end probably has and the tug-of-war can probably only be stopped by sitting down calmly and talking , crying and screaming out your troubles and problems to each other

Need

there are times in your life when you need to cry sometimes with a reason and sometimes without…when you feel like as Rose says in titanic you are in a ‘crowded room shouting at the top of my lungs and no one even looks up and the inertia of my life plunging ahead and me powerless to stop it’…you feel like in the spur of the moment the earth splits open and you just become one with it. You want someone to just listen to you tell them whats in your heart without the fear of them judging you or reacting strangely, in such times of crisis you need support from a friend or a partner who can listen to you and console you, We all need someone someone to support us and hold us when we are in a situation where we might collapse any moment, human beings are designed for anything but loneliness and those too busy chasing success when they achieve it they have everything but relationships…what one needs to realize that its the journey thats important not the destination…but that is another story and debate altogether, what i was saying was there are certain times in life where you feel you are all alone and when this loneliness creeps up to you, you tend to make decisions which might alter the course of your life in a direction which you might regret in the later stages of life, you tend to lose your ability to differentiate right from wrong and thus to make matters worse you end up in a situation you did not want to in the first place…the need however is for those people to stick with their friends are partners who are going through a rough patch in their lives and support them and be with them in every way possible lending your shoulder for them to cry on when needed and providing them with shade in the harsh sun of problems…sounds cheesy i know…but what can i say that it all helps that person to a certain extent to retain his sanity and his belief that you are there for him no matter what… might be an acid test for you as to what the hell am i a servant or what that he comes to me letting out his frustrations but then again you didnt choose to be someone’s friend or partner just like that…as rani says Dosti ki hai nibhani to pareygi(you have become friends now, so will have to bear the friendship) also it also becomes a responsibility on your shoulder not to end the relationship and call it to quits, you might be able to move on but the other person banking on you for emotional support might just break down, collapse like life does after meeting death, and the consequences well, they are better left unsaid…coz it might be worse than you can imagine

Love

Love the most popular topic in the world. About time i start venturing into and making a distinct comment about a territory alien to me and experimenting a bit. To people whom i am a lonely love-struck social retard this might strike as a surprise as to why it took me such a long time to comment on this alien territory. Frankly the answer is i really don’t know. to understand Love one must understand that love is not a thing it is merely a feeling, rather than anything else like what those sayings of ‘experienced’ people say, which who has experienced knows the joys and pains that come with it and who hasn’t (which includes me) doesn’t. So what is it about Love that interests everyone at one point in his life? It is probably how just two people come together and develop feelings for each other despite any blood relations whether be it developing into a relationship through repeated meetings or just a single one…like Rani said, ‘Kabhi ek mulaqaat hi kaafi hoti hai aur kabhi buhat si mulakaatien lag jaati hain’ which translates as ’sometimes it just takes one meeting and sometimes it takes more than one’ or is it the powerful strength that Love gives or causes. It can sustain you through trying times and motivate you to make extraordinary sacrifices. however it can also force ordinary men to perform the darkest deeds or compel them to search hidden truths. Seems like what interests more to people is not what love is but the consequences or what it causes. apart from the blood relationships, for the person who is in Love, Love is nothing but the central drama of their lives. It has all theatrical possibilities. Passion, jealousy, betrayal, revenge, you name it and its there and what better example there is than the romantic movies of bollywood. Love is something, something like an illusion that is created by man to control their haphazard emotions. yet it is the same illusion which should be the basis of marriage, a commitment between two people. true that friends can marry too but best friends don’t necessary make best spouse to each other unless and until they make the marriage work but then again they would be denying love to their spouse and themselves. However the couples who marry out of Love for each other soon discover that they have to make their marriage work and cant go on believing that love will take care of it. Love is not some diety or entity which you rely on its just the mutual feeling two people have for each other. So how does one know one is in love or is it just mere infatuation or a deep crush or an entity of desire…the answer is something i don’t know because i have never been in Love and therefore cant say much about it. However IF it is the same kind of love that friends share, or same kind u share with your sibling or one of the parents, then i can say Love is just being unconditional. You don’t keep track of things you do for that other person or give for that person, you just do it without a rhyme or reason just because that person is your friend and without caring what you will get in return. As Hema Malini quotes, ‘pyar mein lene dene ka hisaab nahi rakha jaata, pyaar to bas kiya jaata hai’ which translates to ‘you don’t keep track of things you do for your loved one. you just Love. But sometimes when your efforts and your Love isnt acknowledge it hurts it hurts like a pang a dagger just thrusted into the chest without a warning by the invisible hand of fate and that is the time when that person needs someone to hold onto for only someone else can fill up a void left by someone or else it just becomes a uncared wound which does nothing but scaths you everytime you remember it which is likely to be almost every moment of the rest of your lives no matter how much you try to distract yourself. But then again as Abida Parveen quotes in Nasir’s ghazal, ‘Pee ja ayaam ki talkhi ko bhi hans ke nasir, gham ko sehne mein bhi kudrat ne maza rakha hai’ which means that one should drink the tortures of the days with a smile for life has kept joy even in bearing the sadness. well another example of that would be if you eat something really spicy, you would immediately grab up for water but in between that time the tastes surging in your mouth and the burning tongue has its own uniqueness to it. Love is strange in many ways and in some as simple as it can get. But as far as my knowledge goes, my knowledge of love comes from love itself or reading about love or observing people who say they are in love. and what i can say about it is that Love is the basis of all the relationships there is and as you mature in that relationship you peel off the layers discovering something new from time to time.

If you can’t make sense throughout my blabblering, my apologies

Love after Love

the time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was yourself.
Give wine. Give Bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your own life

just a poem i thought wud b gud to share to begin this blog